Every year, about 150 family aggressors in Moldova are counselled by psychologists at specialised assistance and counselling centres in Drochia, Ocnita, Causeni and Chisinau. At the courses, they learn to control their aggressive behaviour. Most of the time, aggressors attend the counselling courses because they are obliged to do so by court protection orders. Human rights experts and some magistrates believe such centres should be opened in more districts of the country. The first assistance and counselling centre for domestic abusers started operating in Drochia in 2012, based on an American model. Subsequently, similar centres were opened in Chisinau municipality and in the districts of Causeni and Ocnita. "I'm sorry I didn't go to a psychologist earlier to save my marriage" Oleg Pîntea from Carahasani, Ștefan Vodă, arrived at the Assistance and Counselling Centre in Causeni in 2019. "I had several problems in my family, we often had conflicts, but the last time it ended badly and I hit my wife. She left home, then I was banned from seeing my family, my children. I was also obliged by the judge to attend counselling for three months," says the man. During this period, Oleg says he learned to control his emotions and stop being aggressive: "I learned not to react negatively in certain situations and to be calm and, most importantly, to respect the woman. I understood that violence doesn't solve anything. I recommend those who have family problems to attend these courses. At least for a few days. It will help. After his divorce, he pays maintenance for his two children. I asked him if he had a message for men who hit their wives. "My message is to be patient and understanding. Understanding is much better than violence. It would be good if the police also react when domestic violence claims are filed with them and even they recommend the family to a psychologist. I'm sorry I didn't seek a psychologist sooner to save my marriage and prevent my children from suffering as a result of the divorce," says Oleg. Ana Shchiopu, director of the Centre in Causeni, says that "when he came to us, Oleg was in a total depression, he was very upset about what had happened. After attending the course, he understood a lot and changed his thinking, and his psychological state improved. He didn't want a divorce, he wanted to rebuild family relationships. But it was not to be. Now he is responsible and takes care of the children. We monitor and see the change." Domestic abusers get free counselling At counselling sessions, domestic abusers talk to the centre's lawyers, psychologists and social workers, who help them understand where their anger comes from and how to deal with their emotions. The specialists explain why they have been punished, what rights their family members and themselves have. Most of the time, they attend counselling, having been ordered to do so by the court that issues protection orders for victims of violence. But abusers can also come voluntarily to the classes, with a referral from the local social worker, the sector police officer or another member of the multidisciplinary team at their place of residence. The prohibition of the aggressor from approaching the victim is regulated in the Law on preventing and combating domestic violence, which offers the opportunity for assistance to both the victim and the aggressor, says Lidia Gorceag, a psychologist at the Assistance and Counselling Centre for family aggressors in Chisinau. "It is far too little to work only with the aggressor, you must necessarily work with the victim, to help her overcome some moments. Because we all come with a certain upbringing and behavioural patterns from our families that are not always the best examples to follow", says L. Gorceag. Aggressive parents also come for psychological counselling The counselling programme includes individual and group sessions, and both men and women can receive help. The counselling programme usually lasts up to three months, and during this time, the beneficiaries go through 10 topics to help them overcome violent behaviour. They learn what non-violence is and how it manifests itself, respect, trust and support, parental responsibility, negotiation and fairness, etc. Simion Sîrbu, director of the Drochia Assistance Centre, says that aggressive parents who beat their children are also counselled: "Unfortunately, we also have women who are domestic aggressors. There are far fewer cases, maybe 1% of the total number when we talk about families, but many mothers use violence against their children". Judge: In the long run, aggression can only be stopped when a specialist works with the aggressor Judge Livia Mitrofan of the Chisinau Court believes that the problem of domestic violence cannot be solved by victim protection orders alone. "Through the ordinance, we temporarily remove the consequences. But it is important that aggressors attend these courses, because aggression can only be removed when a specialist works with aggressors," says the magistrate. She recommends opening such centres in more localities and informing citizens that there are such organisations that can work not only with victims but also with offenders. Simion Sîrbu, who set up this rehabilitation programme in Moldova, believes that such centres relieve the burden on prisons and help offenders avoid reoffending. "The penitentiary system in Moldova does not educate, it has only one function, to isolate people from society. There are no educational programs about which to say that he was in prison and he was educated, no. The state must give the offender a chance. I want everyone to do their duty: the police, the prosecutors, the judges", concludes Simion Sîrbu. He says that ideally in Moldova there should be such a centre in 3-4 districts, and in Chisinau at least three. The national strategy for preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence for 2018-2023 also provides for the development of social services for family aggressors. Editor's note: Currently, due to the COVID-19 epidemic, the Assistance Centres are working remotely to comply with the requirements and special protection measures in order to prevent the danger of contamination of beneficiaries and employees. Have your fundamental rights and freedoms been violated? Call the "Hotline" 080080030 free of charge from landlines or mobile phones and we will help you to be heard and refer you to the relevant public institutions. Mariana Jacot